Here is a response to that question from a search – A critical system refers to any system—whether it’s a computer system, mechanical system, or infrastructure—where failure could result in severe consequences, such as loss of life, significant damage, or major financial loss. These systems are designed to be highly reliable, secure, and resilient to ensure continuous operation even in challenging or unforeseen conditions.

Several aspects of this response jumped out at me:

• My ‘inner critic’ is part of a living body, that is vulnerable to loss of life, significant damage or major financial loss (which in the modern world, is like losing access to the resources that sustain life)
• My ‘inner critic’ is reliable and resilient, although I am guessing it was ‘not’ secure. I can rely that it will be there when I make a mistake and it is resilient to my efforts to ignore it.
• My ‘inner critic’ feels like it is in continuous operation, looking for challenges and unforeseen circumstances and once activated, my ‘inner critic’ used to be relentless and rigid in its response.

For years I tried to follow the advice of others, to shrink my inner critic, ignore my inner critic, give my inner critic a funny voice to lessen the effect and they all worked, whilst I put lots of effort in, using up what little energy I had, but once that energy was used up, my inner critic was back and it seemed stronger than ever. It was as if the harder I tried to push it away, the harder it pushed back and now I know why.

My ‘inner critic’ was trying to save me, the only way it knew how. Because it was so insecure, it was categorising any mistake, even the ‘minor’ ones, which I needed for learning, as ‘major’. It kept switching on my Emergency Mode, when there was ‘no’ real emergency.

Once I understood this, I started to CARE (an acronym I created for the process I used) for my ‘inner critic’. I learned how to use;

Consented Compassionate Curiosity

Attuned Accompaniment

Resonant Relatability to Regulate

Encouragement to Explore and Experiment

I started to recognise my ‘inner critic’ had been shaped and conditioned from my past Adverse Childhood Experiences, most of which I, as my adult self, couldn’t even remember, but my ‘inner critic’ remembered only too vividly.

For medical reasons, my mum had taken very significant precautions to prevent pregnancy. So my conception was a shock and activated a lot of fear and worry. Additional to that was the difficult financial situation during that time, which created regular overwhelming periods for my parents. Due to this overwhelm and likely due to their Adverse Childhood Experiences, they were not able to show kindness when I made my inevitable mistakes. Their unkind and often extreme response, to a child so young and confused, had become my unkind and extreme response to myself, trying desperately not to activate or preempt their unkindness. 

Additionally, my siblings and extended family would copy my parents’ unkind responses which led to normal, everyday events feeling as if they were adverse and chronic to my sensitised system.

A vicious cycle was being created, I was scared of making a mistake, which meant I would have less brain capacity to ‘not’ make a mistake, increasing the likelihood of making a mistake. My mistake would be greeted with despair from others and some form of criticism and disparagement of my inherent character, which I would internalise and believe. This would reduce my sense of belief in myself and my abilities to learn, so I would want to try to avoid anything new, due to the fear of making a mistake. This would also be greeted with despair from others and some form of criticism and disparagement on my inherent character and so I was put into a double bind, judged unkindly if I did and failed (as I was young and supposed to be learning by making mistakes) and judged unkindly if I didn’t try!

By the time I entered school and eventually the workplace, my ‘inner critic’ was well trained and ensconced in this vicious cycle. There were times I could ignore it and I excelled and then someone similar to a family member would enter my life and my ‘inner critic’ would come back in full force. Confusion, bewilderment, disorganised behaviour and depression would follow, along with a roller coaster of emotions and periods of life that would fit well in a soap opera.

This situation made no sense to me as a young child, but as an adult in a different learning environment, I started to make sense of it!

I didn’t choose to be born, my parents didn’t choose to be overwhelmed, my siblings and extended family didn’t choose to exacerbate the situation, my inner critic didn’t choose how to categorise and support me, we were all choiceless! 

The turning point came when I learned the phrase ‘that was then, this is now!’ I learned to differentiate past from present, then I needed to learn and practice what to do differently.

Learning to consistently CARE for my ‘inner critic’ has meant that I have been able to befriend my ‘inner critic’ and help them update. My ‘inner critic’ now has an understanding of what is an emergency and what is not an emergency. They now understand that I am more able to listen to them if they use kind words and their inside voice, rather than setting off the Emergency Mode button and a torrent of unkindness. They now understand that they live in a much older body, in a different environment and that I have developed skills and abilities to repair mistakes with others and am more likely to succeed with kind help from them rather than unkind help.

If you would like to know more about befriending your ‘inner critic’ with CARE, please contact me.